Creature from Plaque Lagoon
by Light Seeker 001
Summary: Dental attacks run rampant in the city and the Teen Titans fall victim as well. But who is responsible for these attacks and why does the attacker look so familiar?


All over Jump City, people were running around, screaming in agony. And it didn't take a genius to figure out what was wrong. Their teeth were missing and/or filled with cavities. And soon, the dentist offices were being overwhelmed by the throngs of people coming to them.

At Titan's Tower, the Teen Titans heard the news. "It's all a conspiracy," Robin said with a sinister tone.

"Dude, you think everything is a conspiracy," Cyborg said. "You've been hanging with Batman too long."

"NEVER DISS BATMAN!" Robin screamed. He went on ranting, "Don't you see? The dentists know that when people eat too much candy, they get cavities, and when they get cavities, they have to come to the dentist. And the dentist strike it rich!"

"Or it could be the creepy creep, the Tooth Fairy again," Raven said. "Have you thought of that?"

Robin blinked. "Okay, that makes more sense."

"But how do we get the Tooth Fairy to come after the us?" asked Starfire.

"Like so," Raven said, punching Beast Boy in the mouth.

"OW!" The green shapeshifter spat out one of his canines. "Sweet..."

(!)

That night, the Titans hid in Beast Boy's room. Starfire and Robin were under the bed, Cyborg and Raven were in the closet. "Is the tooth under the pillow?" Robin whispered.

"Affirmative," Beast Boy said.

"Good. Are you asleep?"

"Ten-four."

"Liar! Go to sleep, now!"

"Okay, okay!" Beast Boy shut his eyes. "Okay, I'm having trouble sleeping. Gonna count sheep." He clenched his eyes. "Can't count. Tell me a story."

"Okay," said Robin, taking out a dart. "There was once a lonely dart and all the other darts made fun of him. But this dart was no ordinary dart. It was a tranquilizer. A dangerous tranquilizer used by equine veterinarians."

"What happened to it?" asked Beast Boy. "Well, it huffed and it puffed and..." Robin blew in a blow gun and the dart hit Beast Boy square in the face. He was out could. "The end."

"You know," Cyborg said, getting out. "This is kind of stupid, dumbass."

"Don't you question your leader!" shouted Robin.

"Step away from the tooth," said a man's voice. In the shadows, the silhouette of a figure stood in the doorway, holding again. "And back up against the wall." The Titans came out of their hiding spots, hands up in the air.

"Take our money! Take Cyborg and Raven, but leave me and Starfire!"

The figure just laughed. "Fools! I don't want your money! I have this tooth and it's all I need!"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Wait. You're not the Tooth Fairy. Who are you?"

"The Creature from Plaque Lagoon!"

"The Creature from what?" asked Starfire.

"Please tell me you floss," the Creature said.

"Uh...sometimes?" asked Cyborg.

"LIARS!" The Creature fired his own tranquilizers and knocked them out cold.

(!)

When the Titans awoke the next morning, they discovered their teeth rotted out as well.

(!)

Robin was on the phone with the dentist later. "Wait, so you can fill us all in? ... No we do not have dental insurance. Which in my opinion is a complete racket! No offense, but you dentists make enough money without having to hassle me with insurance!"

Raven tried to take the phone away. "Robin, let me speak to this one!"

"I can handle this, Raven," Robin said, before returning to talk to the dentist. "No, we do not have a credit card. What I plan to do is pay to offer my services gigolo to your gigolo to your dissatisfied house wife! Hello? Well, that's the last of them! The freaking dental industry! Unbelievable!"

"What do we the do, now?" asked Starfire.

"I have an idea," Raven said, taking her phone out. "We look him up. Let's see. Creature...from...Plaque Lagoon. Here we go. His own personal web page." On the screen was a flash intro full of nothing but chattering teeth.

"Ugh," said Cyborg. "Skip the flash intro. It's creeping me out." "Okay."

She did so. "Let's see. Gender is male. Occupant is tooth stealer. Interests include disease, mouth bacteria, video games, hanging out with friends and finally, completing a tooth ship to return to Tooth Planet."

...Finally tonight I will have enough dicks to complete the dick ship and return to Dick Planet...

"Contact," said Robin. "Hit contact! That's how you contact him!"

"I know," shouted Raven.

"I know too! I was testing you. And you passed...by the skin of your ass."

"Wait," said Cyborg. "It says here Plaque Lagoon is in Vermont! That's too far away!"

"I have a better idea," said Raven.

(!)

A few minutes later, Beast Boy was screaming in agony. Raven had finished pulling the last tooth out of his mouth and put in a plastic bag where all the other Titans' teeth were. "This is a shitty idea, Mama!"

"Look, your gums are so dissolved, those teeth were gonna fall out anyway." Raven was speaking with a lisp, due to having her all teeth removed.

"Did you really have to remove our smiley bones, friend Raven?" cried Starfrie. She too was having trouble pronouncing words.

Cyborg nodded. "Yeah, we could have just gone to the Tooth Fairy and not have our teeth removed!"

"Look," Raven said. "I don't want to risk any more infection, so..." She tossed the bag of teeth into the window of a house made out of teeth. The Titans burst in and Raven shouted, "All right, you creep, you're gonna pay for...huh?"

There, sitting on a chair and watching TV was a nerdy little man with a pudgy body build and big glasses. He spoke with an effeminate voice. "Hello. Please leave before I call the police. Wait, are you the Teen Titans?"

"Who the heck are you?" asked Cyborg. "You're not the Tooth Fairy!"

"No, I'm Gary! Gary the Dairy Fairy. I'm house sitting for the Tooth Fairy while he's on vacation."

"You're a fairy?" asked Beast Boy skeptically.

"Yes. I leave behind milk and cheeses and yogurts. Helps build strong teeth and bones! I'm more of a preventative like, dietary fairy." Everyone stared at him. He sighed sadly. "Oh, nobody cares."

"Oh, no! No, we're listening," Beast Boy said.

"Do you give away money?" asked Robin.

"Sure, here, I got some coins!" He stuck a hand into his fanny pack and pulled out... "They're made of cheese! They're supposed to get kids excited about calcium. But all kids care about is video games where you steal cars and have sex with Russian prostitutes."

"Do you have those games?" asked Beast Boy.

"I know a game where you fight plaque between your teeth to prevent gum depletion. In fact, it's not a game at all. It's called flossing!" Gary exclaimed excitedly as he pulled out some floss from his fanny pack.

"Yeah," Robin said. "We're just gonna go."

"Wait. That bag." Gary pointed to the bag full of rotten teeth. "The Creature from Plaque Lagoon. You've met him, haven't you?"

"That's the one," Raven said. "That son of a bitch. You know him?"

"I wish I could say no. He is a close personal friend of mine. But, we have one issue where we completely disagree."

"Immigration?" asked Robin.

"Religion?" asked Cyborg.

"Sexuality?" asked Raven.

"The glob slex?" asked Starfire.

"Don't care," said Beast Boy.

"Dental hygiene," Gary said. "All of you, follow me to Plaque Lagoon!"

(!)

Gary led the Titans to a store. "This is the Vermont?" asked Starfire.

"No, it's not," Cyborg said, irritated. "This is a Better Buy!"

"Well, this is where Plaque Lagoon used to be," Gary said.

"Not anymore!"

Gary was silent for a while. Then he remembered, "Oh, that's right, he moved! I forgot. Well, while we're here, wanna go see what's new on Blu Ray?"

"Look," said Raven. "You need to buy a GPS so you can figure out where your Goddamned friends live, okay?!"

"Well, he's not really a friend. I mean, I say 'Hey!' to him when we meet. But it's not like we hang out or anything. And it's not like I hate him, but we meet each other every now and then..."

"We get it," Robin said. "He's a casual acquaintance!"

"Well, I would't say casual..."

"Look," exclaimed Beast Boy.

Out of the store, handling shopping carts, was a creature that looked mostly human, but a mouth was what made up the entirety of his face. "Oh, hey man," he said. He sounded pretty laid back. "What are you doing here?"

"You don't look like a creature that much," Beast Boy said.

"Believe me, he is," said Gary.

"Do you know how much our dental insurance costs?" shouted Cyborg. "Look what you did to my teeth!" He opened his mouth revealing the empty sockets.

"Why are you showing me this? I don't know you."

"Does this jog your memory?" Robin punched the Creature in the face. "How do you like that? And I will do it to your face again then your groin if you don't comply!"

"Uh, Robin, I don't think this is the guy," said Raven.

"No, I am the Creature from Plaque Lagoon. But someone stole my identity and has been making dental related purchases with my fucking credit card. Just because that's my name doesn't mean I'm into that. Now, I answered your question, now you help me. Open the van."

(!)

In the middle of nowhere, a giant ship made out of teeth stood erected. Inside the ship, a humanoid tooth in blue shorts and a brown coat and wearing big rectangle glasses was on the phone. "6/4/98. Expires 11/19." He was reading a credit card to whoever was on the phone. "Yes, I am he. The Creature from Plaque Lagoon, yes. Overnight ship the molar engine at once so that I may complete the tooth ship and return to my enamel condo on Tooth Planet!"

Suddenly, the Titans burst into the ship. They took one look at the tooth and exclaimed, "WONG BURGER!"

"Dr. Wong Burger!" exclaimed Beast Boy. "He's after my dick again!"

"No, I don't want your dick," Wong Burger shouted.

"Wait," Raven said. "Why are you a tooth? Didn't you used to be..."

"A dick? With balls of rage?"

"Yeah, that."

"YES! For years, that's how people saw me. But I was actually a tooth trapped inside the shaft of a dick, crying to get out. It was a private shame. Through years of painful surgery at great expense, I was able to change myself into what God intended for me to be!" He opened the brown coat and revealed that its pockets were chattering teeth! "Chatter man!"

The titans were disturbed. "You're a madman, Wong Burger," shouted Raven.

"Hey, I know that!"

"Uh..." said Beast Boy. "Can I have my teeth back?"

"Sure. Which one is yours?"

"This one?"

"Don't touch it," said Raven.

(!)

Back at Titans Tower, Starfire, Raven, Beast Boy and Cyborg were eating applesauce. "Now this is my kind of eating," Beast Boy says. "Which is why I'm eating another jar of applesauce."

"You need more than that," said Raven. "Eat some mashed potatoes and carrots."

"I don't like carrots."

Just then, Robin came in. "Eff that baby food. The master shall imbibe the wing of the Buffalo tonight!" He held out some Buffalo wings.

"Imbibe?" asked Cyborg. "How are you gonna do that?"

To answer his question, Robin put the wings in the blender and turned it on.

"You have to take the bones out first," said Raven.

"What's that? I can't hear you! I'm eating a man's meal!" He turned off the blender and guzzled the liquidized Buffalo wings.

"Did you get mild or hot?" asked Raven.

Robin sighed in satisfaction. Then he screamed, "MY GUMS!"

"He got the hot," said Cyborg.

"Definitely the hot," said Starfire.


End file.
